


Cops eat muffins?

by StarryKnight09



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: FebuWhump2021, Gen, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, Irondad, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29182215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKnight09/pseuds/StarryKnight09
Summary: “Want a muffin?”Peter eyed the assortment of chocolate, blueberry, and lemon poppyseed muffins.  They did look good.“Aren’t you supposed to be eating donuts?” He teased.“Watch it kid.” The cop said without any bite.Febuwhump Day 3: imprisonment
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138670
Comments: 39
Kudos: 317





	Cops eat muffins?

“What’s your parents number kid?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be, ‘you get one phone call?’” Peter asked, using sarcasm to mask his nerves, something he’d picked up from Tony.

“Yeah in the movies.” The cop grunted out, not amused. Odd. He almost reminded Peter of Happy. “Now stop playing around. Tell me the number. I don’t have all night.” 

“Um…” Peter tried to think quickly. He really didn’t want to call Tony, his guardian ever since the snap had been reversed six months ago and Peter had found out May had died of cancer in the intervening five years. Typical Parker luck. Because as far as Tony knew, he was staying at Ned’s for a quiet night of putting together Legos, not going to some rager in Midtown. Although to be fair, Peter hadn’t known Flash’s party would get quite so crazy. Or busted by the cops.

He could call Pepper, but there’s no way Tony wouldn’t find out. And she’d still have to drive all the way into the city at one in the morning. He couldn’t call Ned’s parents because he hadn’t seen Ned anywhere around the police station, and Peter knew he’d been up in the bathroom when the party had gotten busted, so it seemed like he’d somehow escaped, and Peter didn’t want to be the one to bust him. Plus, he was pretty sure Ned’s mom would totally tell on him to Tony. It was too bad he’d been standing right by the front door when the cops had burst. Anywhere else and he for sure would’ve gotten away.

“Well?” The cop prodded impatiently.

Who else was there? Who else? Who else? Just when he’d given up and resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to give them Tony’s number, a genius thought struck him.

“It’s 555-6437.” He answered.

The cop picked up the phone at his desk and Peter fidgeted as he waited in the chair across from him, the place he’d been dumped ever since he’d blown a zero on the breathalyzer test. Thank god for his fast metabolism. Any other teenager would’ve failed after drinking three beers. 

“And who am I talking to?” The cop asked as he dialed the number.

“Oh um Hap— uh Harold Hogan.”

“Your dad?” The man raised an eyebrow.

Peter nodded. Sure, why not? Happy better come through for him. He owed him after he’d forgotten to pick him after school last week and left him sitting there for hours. Peter had covered for him and told Tony he’d gone to Ned’s house to work on a project and forgot to let him know.

“Different last name.” The cop stated, but Peter recognized the implicit question.

“I’m adopted.” He answered. That was actually true.

“Hm. No answer.” The cop said as he pushed the button to hang up the phone before dialing again.

Shit. If Happy didn’t answer Peter really was going to have to come clean with Tony’s number.

After another few seconds of ringing, the cop’s eyebrows rose and a bemused expression crossed his face before he said into the phone, “Well I’m sorry to disturb you Mr. Hogan but I’m Patrick McAllister, a cop at the 33rd precinct, and I have your son here, a Mr. Peter Parker. He gave me your number to call.”

Peter winced. He could only imagine what was going through Happy’s mind right now.

“No he’s fine. He was at an underage party where alcohol was being served, so we brought him in, but it doesn’t appear that he was drinking so I just need you to come pick him up.”

The cop paused to listen to whatever Happy was saying. Peter knew if he concentrated hard enough he could probably listen in but he didn’t really want to know.

“Yes, the address is…”

Peter stared at his shoes as the cop told Happy where to pick him up. At least that meant the man was coming and maybe he could salvage this without Tony finding out.

“Your dad’s on his way.” The cop said as he hung up the phone. “Said he should be here in fifteen minutes.”

“Great.” Peter said without enthusiasm. “So...are you going to put me in my cell now?”

The cop barked out a surprised laugh.

“What?” Peter asked, annoyed.

“Why would I put you in a cell?” The man asked, looking like he was working to hold back more laughter. Really, Peter didn’t think the question was that funny.

“Because I’m arrested. I’m being imprisoned against my will. Don’t you usually put people behind bars for that?” Peter explained dryly.

The cop burst out laughing.

Peter frowned.

“Man, you watch too much TV kid.” He said a moment later as he wiped at the tears in his eyes.

Peter crossed his arms, feeling defensive. No one liked being laughed at, and he, in particular, never liked being treated like an idiot.

“Did I take your fingerprints?” The cop asked.

“No.”

“Your mugshot?”

Peter shook his head.

“Then why do you think you’re arrested?”

Peter blinked. “Because I’m…here?”

The cop smirked. “Did you break any laws?”

“I was at the party…”

“True but that’s not against the law. You weren’t drinking and you weren’t providing alcohol to minors.”

Peter frowned. That first part wasn’t exactly true but he wasn’t about to admit that. “So if I’m not arrested, why can’t I just leave?”

“It’s against policy. Can’t release minors without a legal guardian.”

Peter’s jaw dropped. “So I’m going to get in trouble for nothing?”

“Tough break kid.” The cop shrugged, but Peter could see the glint of amusement in his eyes. He was clearly loving this. Well, at least someone was having a good night.

The cop seemed to sense his stormy mood. He picked up the open cardboard box on his desk and held it out. “Want a muffin?”

Peter eyed the assortment of chocolate, blueberry, and lemon poppyseed muffins. They did look good. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be eating donuts?” He teased.

“Watch it kid.” The cop said without any bite.

Peter reached in to grab a chocolate muffin before the man could change his mind. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hey Pat,” Another cop said as he walked over to them twenty minutes and two muffins later. “The kid’s dad’s here.”

“Thanks Earl.” Pat answered and stood, gesturing for Peter to do the same. “Let’s get you home.”

They turned the corner around the hallway and Peter caught sight of Happy, standing in the lobby in black sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. Peter didn’t think he’d ever seen the man out of a suit.

A second later Happy noticed them and frowned.

“Hey…um Dad.” He practically choked on the words.

Happy just harumphed and looked up at Pat. “He’s good to go?”

“Yeah. All set. He technically didn’t break any laws, but we can’t release minors without a legal guardian.” Pat explained.

Happy nodded and gripped his shoulder. “All right kid, let’s go.”

“Go easy on him.” Pat called out to them as they reached the door. “He’s a good kid.”

Happy snorted as he held the door open for him. As soon as it closed, the man shook his head and said, “Even police officers aren’t immune to the Peter Parker charm huh?”

Peter grinned. With a comment like that, it didn’t seem like Happy was mad.

“Thanks for picking me up in the middle of the night.” He said as they walked into the parking lot toward Happy’s car.

“What was I supposed to do? Make you spend the night in jail?” Happy asked gruffly, but Peter knew he cared.

“Technically I wasn’t in jail.”

“Looked like you were in jail to me.” Happy muttered.

“Nope.”

“What do you call what you were doing then?”

“Hanging out at a police station?” Peter tried.

Happy rolled his eyes as he thumbed the unlock button to the car on the key fob. “Sure kid.”

“It wasn’t so bad.” He shrugged. “Pat gave me muffins.”

“Only you.” Happy complained as he opened the passenger side door for him and Peter crawled in.

As soon as Happy turned the car on, Peter started toying with the radio dial even though he knew it drove Happy nuts. He couldn’t handle the man’s taste in music. He settled on an 80’s rock station as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“You seem in good spirits.” Happy noted.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. He was. He’d made it out unscathed. “If you drop me off at Ned’s house I can just climb up to his window and we’ll be all good. He lives on 59th and Fullerton.”

“That’s cute.”

“What?”

“That you think I’m going to drop you off at your friend’s house.” Happy huffed out a laugh.

Peter frowned.

“You’re staying in my guest room tonight.” Happy explained as if he was crazy for thinking otherwise.

Peter figured that could work. He’d just have to make it to Ned’s by tomorrow morning so Tony could pick him up there. 

Happy glanced at him and his brow furrowed as if he couldn’t comprehend his continued zen. “And in the morning Tony’s picking you up.” Happy added.

Peter’s head snapped over to Happy. “What? He knows?” He asked, his eyes bugging out.

“Of course he knows. I called him as soon as I got off the phone with that cop.”

“Why?” He complained in a long whine.

“What do you mean why?” Happy looked at him like he was crazy. “You got arrested—”

“I wasn’t arrested.”

“—and then you call me and you think—”

“I didn’t call you, Pat did.”

“—that I’m not going to tell Tony, your legal guardian, not to mention my best friend, and the guy who signs my paychecks, that I just had to pick his kid up from jail?”

When he said it that way it did sound kind of bad.

“I was thinking that you owed me for not throwing you under the bus last week and you’d be cool about this.” Peter explained.

Happy raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah I owe you dinner or concert tickets or something, not a get out of jail free card.”

“You have no chill man.” Peter groaned.

A second later his phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket, thinking it was Ned trying to figure out where he’d ended up.

“Shit.” He swore when he saw Tony’s name on the caller ID.

“If I were you, I’d answer that.” Happy suggested.

“I’m going to remember this.” He said, like a threat, to Happy.

“I’m sure you will.” Happy said with an amused smile.

Peter glared at him as he thumbed the accept call button. “Hello?” He answered nervously.

Maybe it’d be ok. Maybe Tony would be cool about this. Peter knew he was no saint. He’d gotten arrested a bunch when he was younger. Maybe he’d understand.

“Peter!” Tony yelled.

Maybe not.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm saying this still counts as whump because of Peter's emotional distress... Maybe that's a bit of a reach? But I just had to give Peter and Happy their moment. Don't worry, tomorrow will be all about the Irondad.


End file.
